Clearing Up Unclear Dating Expectations
I surveyed the followers on my IG and Facebook to see if I could get a better understanding of what women should expect of men. Here are some of the questions that my co-workers and I could not come to an agreement on.
The results are in!
I also included comments from my social media pages that made me say WOW, agree, or laugh!
If a woman is invited over to a mans house for dinner what time should she leave by so that he doesn’t think he’s getting sex?
A) 9-10pm – 26%
B) Midnight – 17%
C) No expectation- 57%
After what time should a lady consider his call, a booty call?
A) After 10pm- 52%
B) After Midnight- 35%
C) After 2am- 13%
Question #3 (This had the most comments)
After how many dates does a guy expect some sexual contact?
A) 1-2 dates – 15%
B) 3-4 dates – 11%
C) 5 or more – 20%
D) No expectations 54%
Should a woman ever pay for a first date?
A) Yes- 11%
B) No- 62%
C) It Depends- 27%
Is a man responsible for his dates Alternative transportation if necessary… cab or Uber?
A) Yes – 67%
B) No – 33%
If a guy offers to take a lady he has never met on a trip is he…
A) trying to get to know her – 10%
B) smash -18%
C) both – 72%
Question #7 (I didn’t expect this)
After two people have sex are they automatically monogamous?
A) Yes – 31%
B) No – 69%
69% of y’all are so nasty!! So you really need a discussion in order for a monogamous relationship to be on the table? If the discussion doesn’t happen prior to the sexual encounter you’re just going to slip out of one vagina and go on to the next one? Ok!
Thank you for everyone that participated in the survey. You have provided invaluable information to all of the non-serial daters.
I woke up and realized that the time has come for us to make a change for us.
Every top black high school athlete is praying for an opportunity to go Duke, Kentucky, Clemson or one of the many other top 25 colleges. You may say “no, every athlete is praying for that opportunity.”
The difference is when a white kid goes to any of these top schools, they will be among their peers. When a black kid goes to these school he is normally there for the sole purpose of playing a sport that can bring in big dollars.
And here is where my problem lies…
Quick update on Libya
From what I can see, the biggest problem isn’t the Slave trade. The biggest problem is that there are hundreds of thousands of Africans from different parts of the continent trying to escape to Europe via Libya.
Smugglers are being paid by the migrants to take them on a raft out to the middle of the Mediterranean Sea (about 12 miles off the coast of Libya) where hopefully they will be met by a European rescue ship that will take them aboard and sail them to the Italian shore. After exiting the rescue ship the refugees will receive medical attention and be registered to stay in Europe.
The flip side is that if the small raft carrying 100-120 men women and children flips over, people die. Over 4000 people have already drowned trying to flee Africa.
The refugees are being raped, robbed and beaten while waiting their turn to be smuggled out, some are even being sold off as slaves.
The militia that the Libyan government hired are untrained to handle this type of chaos. They are killing and beating the refugees that have been captured because they don’t know how to handle the dysfunction.
The Libyan government does not have the money to provide adequate food, shelter, bedding or medical care for these migrants and refugees that are being kept in these detention centers for months.
Another problem is that countries like Somalia, Afghan, Iraq, and other places that are the origin countries of the detainees are not even sending for their citizens that are stuck in these concentration camps aka detention center.
The only way I think that we can help is to put pressure on our government to put pressure on the African countries to go and get their people out of the detention centers. Other than that I’m at a loss for viable options. If any of this is incorrect please forgive me. I’m piecing it together from several sources, some that don’t speak English.
Let us continue to pray
Is there no hope for us? Can the damage from slavery, Jim Crow and mass incarceration ever be undone?
After posting my joy for the new royal princess Meghan Markle it is clear that the residue of self hate and ignorance in the black community is alive and well.
The truth of the matter is that the United States was built on the genocide and mass murder of the indigenous people of this land. European men have been savagely killing people throughout history. After the native people of America were murdered down to insignificant numbers they moved on to African slaves. Building an entire country off the backs of black men.
Why do we accept this behavior from white men? Because that’s who they are. Throughout the history of the United States we have seen white men murder, rape, and abuse every race and gender with impunity. Women were property so they could be beaten and raped by their husband without any consequences. Slaves were their property so they could beat, rape and abuse them without prosecution.
With every passing day another child was born to see how things are done in America. These learned behaviors are a direct reflection of what we see today with white men. Whether it’s in the work place, in the court room or on the streets. There is an air of white privilege when they are in the room.
And now what? I answer to this question in the video below.
What does it mean to go a date in this day and age? When I hear someone ask me out the first thing that crosses my mind is “you’re trying to see if I’m going to sleep with you? No!” Do people even date with the purpose of getting married and becoming a family? It seems more of the same. A lot of wasted hours and dollars on someone that is looking to “hang out” and have a “good time.”
Last night, after I prayed to God to show me what I need to know. I opened my bible app and starting scrolling. Just then I stumbled upon a 7-day Dating With a Purpose plan! I couldn’t believe it. The word were literally music to my ears! Ben Stuart wrote these quotes below:
The day 2 devotional said this:
“the purpose of dating is not to find completion as an individual but to find a person of great character and with whom you have great chemistry. When you date another person, the goal is to grow together so you can encourage, challenge, and shape each other. In the process, you will have to adapt, change, and sacrifice. It won’t always be easy or look like the romantic depictions you see in Hollywood films. But you can be assured the journey will be well worth it.
This is the purpose of dating. This is the vision you are aiming for in marriage. And it is a pretty amazing ride!”
There was another 7 day devotional entitled Dating: Navigating life + Love in the modern Age. This passage also spoke to me
When I look at the landscape of life and love in many people today, I see fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of missing out. Fear of losing opportunities. In others I hear pride—the insistence to live life on their own terms so no one can threaten their freedom of expression. In many, I also see lust. Why commit to love someone emotionally if you can just use them physically? Fear, pride, and lust are the root of many problems that crop up in relationships.
None of these drivers aim at love. Fear closes off and withdraws, but love opens up and gives freely. Pride will not tolerate the risk of exposing one’s self to another, but love risks vulnerability for the sake of the other person. Lust tells the other person you only want the parts you can use, but love embraces the whole person—on his or her best days and worst.
As long as fear, lust, and pride are in the driver’s seat of your relationship, you will be speeding away from healthy love. These things will drive you into isolation or create shallow relationships that do not honor God. This is the situation I see in our culture today. I see a generation lost at sea.
The comments that I read after I posted this topic on my Facebook account further made me believe that we have something that need to be discussed. Feel free to listen to my very first Blog Talk radio post on Dating With A Purpose.
The NCAA is fighting to keep these athletes from receiving the compensation they deserve with the same passion and dedication slave owners fought to keep slavery legal. It appears the NCAA would rather continue to see coaches caught up in scandals and players struggle to make ends meet than to pay the same athletes that keep food on their table.
I do get it though. The NCAA president, and predominantly white head coaches feel as though they are already doing these young men a favor. The mind set is “if your black ass wasn’t playing football for us, you would be selling drugs or getting into trouble doing other things. So shut up, play ball and be happy you have been given the opportunity to see the inside of a college campus.” Okay, I get it, and you know what. In some cases that may be true.
My response to that is, what does the athletes background have to do with the price of tea in China. Nothing. Nothing at all. But honestly the reason that the NCAA is still allowed to run the “plantation” with very little interference from the outside world is because the parents and the athletes feel the same way that the Massa does. Oh I meant the NCAA staff and the coaches. The athletes and the parents feel like its a blessing for their child just to be able to play ball and get that 1% shot at making it to the pros.
An Article in USA Today said:
When Nick Saban can clear $11 million, as he will this year, or Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany gets a $20 million bonus, it’s not hard to do the math and realize those kind of payouts are only possible because the athletes are little more than indentured servants.
Consider that the NCAA will get more than $760 million this year from CBS and Turner for the men’s basketball tournament, and you can see how this all adds up.
Which leads me to my next question.
Why are we so quick to accept the bare minimum of everything? Most of us don’t even realize how low our expectations are, yet we complain about not having anything? There is no way that these college institutions should be building 50+ million dollar sports facilities and everyone is getting paid millions except the field hands, oh I mean the players? No way that’s okay. Did you know that just under 50% of black student athlete won’t graduate?
“According to a study published by the university of Pennsylvania’s Center for the study of Race and Equity in Education, just over half of the black male athletes at the 65 wealthiest athletics programs will graduate within six years… Black players graduated at a rate 25.2 lower than other full time black males”
Lets guess why they graduate at a lower rate then the other full time students. Athletes put in 20 hours on the field/court a week, another 10 hours in the weight room, another 10 hour in meetings and watching film, oh and then there is travel and game day playing time. That brings us to 45-50 hours of sports training. Then they are required to take a full load (12 units or more). But the NCAA calls these athletes “amateurs” so they can’t be paid. If that doesn’t sound like some bullshit I don’t know what is.
Here are some other fun NCAA facts:
* This officially “amateur” sport generates nearly $3.5 billion a year, but the young men who play the game–predominantly African American—don’t see a dime of it. Yes, they get tuition, room and board, plus lots of Nike, Adidas or Under Armour gear (making them walking advertisements), but they’re essentially free labor.
* The average university brings in around 50 million in revenue from their athletic departments
* There are only two collegiate sports that make a profit, basketball and football. These two sports which are supported by prominently black players supply enough money to provide athletic scholarships for all other collegiate sports including, water polo, swimming, volleyball, hockey, track and field, soccer, lacrosse, etc.
* Last year the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) raked in a record $1 billion in revenue from media rights fees, ticket sales, corporate sponsorships and a proliferation of television ads anchored around the three week long March Madness tournament.
*One of the most lucrative contracts connected with the tournament is the one for the broadcast rights. In 2010 the NCAA signed a 14-year, $10.8 billion contract with CBS Sports and Turner Broadcasting, paid over the 14-year term. The deal was extended in April 2016 for a combined total rights fee of $8.8 billion that will keep the tournament on the networks until 2032.
*NCAA athletes are not allowed to make any money from any source other than what the NCAA provides. If they are caught with any other source of unauthorized income, the student athlete can lose their hard earned scholarship.
Do you know what sharecropping is?
Sharecropping is a system where the landlord/plantation owner allows a tenant to use the land in exchange for a share of the crop. This encouraged tenants to work to produce the biggest harvest that they could, and ensured they would remain tied to the land and unlikely to leave for other opportunities.