Clearing Up Unclear Dating Expectations
I surveyed the followers on my IG and Facebook to see if I could get a better understanding of what women should expect of men. Here are some of the questions that my co-workers and I could not come to an agreement on.
The results are in!
I also included comments from my social media pages that made me say WOW, agree, or laugh!
If a woman is invited over to a mans house for dinner what time should she leave by so that he doesn’t think he’s getting sex?
A) 9-10pm – 26%
B) Midnight – 17%
C) No expectation- 57%
After what time should a lady consider his call, a booty call?
A) After 10pm- 52%
B) After Midnight- 35%
C) After 2am- 13%
Question #3 (This had the most comments)
After how many dates does a guy expect some sexual contact?
A) 1-2 dates – 15%
B) 3-4 dates – 11%
C) 5 or more – 20%
D) No expectations 54%
Should a woman ever pay for a first date?
A) Yes- 11%
B) No- 62%
C) It Depends- 27%
Is a man responsible for his dates Alternative transportation if necessary… cab or Uber?
A) Yes – 67%
B) No – 33%
If a guy offers to take a lady he has never met on a trip is he…
A) trying to get to know her – 10%
B) smash -18%
C) both – 72%
Question #7 (I didn’t expect this)
After two people have sex are they automatically monogamous?
A) Yes – 31%
B) No – 69%
69% of y’all are so nasty!! So you really need a discussion in order for a monogamous relationship to be on the table? If the discussion doesn’t happen prior to the sexual encounter you’re just going to slip out of one vagina and go on to the next one? Ok!
Thank you for everyone that participated in the survey. You have provided invaluable information to all of the non-serial daters.
I woke up and realized that the time has come for us to make a change for us.
Every top black high school athlete is praying for an opportunity to go Duke, Kentucky, Clemson or one of the many other top 25 colleges. You may say “no, every athlete is praying for that opportunity.”
The difference is when a white kid goes to any of these top schools, they will be among their peers. When a black kid goes to these school he is normally there for the sole purpose of playing a sport that can bring in big dollars.
And here is where my problem lies…
Quick update on Libya
From what I can see, the biggest problem isn’t the Slave trade. The biggest problem is that there are hundreds of thousands of Africans from different parts of the continent trying to escape to Europe via Libya.
Smugglers are being paid by the migrants to take them on a raft out to the middle of the Mediterranean Sea (about 12 miles off the coast of Libya) where hopefully they will be met by a European rescue ship that will take them aboard and sail them to the Italian shore. After exiting the rescue ship the refugees will receive medical attention and be registered to stay in Europe.
The flip side is that if the small raft carrying 100-120 men women and children flips over, people die. Over 4000 people have already drowned trying to flee Africa.
The refugees are being raped, robbed and beaten while waiting their turn to be smuggled out, some are even being sold off as slaves.
The militia that the Libyan government hired are untrained to handle this type of chaos. They are killing and beating the refugees that have been captured because they don’t know how to handle the dysfunction.
The Libyan government does not have the money to provide adequate food, shelter, bedding or medical care for these migrants and refugees that are being kept in these detention centers for months.
Another problem is that countries like Somalia, Afghan, Iraq, and other places that are the origin countries of the detainees are not even sending for their citizens that are stuck in these concentration camps aka detention center.
The only way I think that we can help is to put pressure on our government to put pressure on the African countries to go and get their people out of the detention centers. Other than that I’m at a loss for viable options. If any of this is incorrect please forgive me. I’m piecing it together from several sources, some that don’t speak English.
Let us continue to pray
What does it mean to go a date in this day and age? When I hear someone ask me out the first thing that crosses my mind is “you’re trying to see if I’m going to sleep with you? No!” Do people even date with the purpose of getting married and becoming a family? It seems more of the same. A lot of wasted hours and dollars on someone that is looking to “hang out” and have a “good time.”
Last night, after I prayed to God to show me what I need to know. I opened my bible app and starting scrolling. Just then I stumbled upon a 7-day Dating With a Purpose plan! I couldn’t believe it. The word were literally music to my ears! Ben Stuart wrote these quotes below:
The day 2 devotional said this:
“the purpose of dating is not to find completion as an individual but to find a person of great character and with whom you have great chemistry. When you date another person, the goal is to grow together so you can encourage, challenge, and shape each other. In the process, you will have to adapt, change, and sacrifice. It won’t always be easy or look like the romantic depictions you see in Hollywood films. But you can be assured the journey will be well worth it.
This is the purpose of dating. This is the vision you are aiming for in marriage. And it is a pretty amazing ride!”
There was another 7 day devotional entitled Dating: Navigating life + Love in the modern Age. This passage also spoke to me
When I look at the landscape of life and love in many people today, I see fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of missing out. Fear of losing opportunities. In others I hear pride—the insistence to live life on their own terms so no one can threaten their freedom of expression. In many, I also see lust. Why commit to love someone emotionally if you can just use them physically? Fear, pride, and lust are the root of many problems that crop up in relationships.
None of these drivers aim at love. Fear closes off and withdraws, but love opens up and gives freely. Pride will not tolerate the risk of exposing one’s self to another, but love risks vulnerability for the sake of the other person. Lust tells the other person you only want the parts you can use, but love embraces the whole person—on his or her best days and worst.
As long as fear, lust, and pride are in the driver’s seat of your relationship, you will be speeding away from healthy love. These things will drive you into isolation or create shallow relationships that do not honor God. This is the situation I see in our culture today. I see a generation lost at sea.
The comments that I read after I posted this topic on my Facebook account further made me believe that we have something that need to be discussed. Feel free to listen to my very first Blog Talk radio post on Dating With A Purpose.
Today, as I was driving home from the store and a song came on the radio that I had never heard before. It was called “It’s Quiet Uptown” sung Kelly Clarkson. My daughter who was sitting in the passenger seat quickly informed me that it was from the stage play Hamilton. I immediately downloaded the song and put it on repeat. The words have so much emotion behind them and so much meaning to me. One part of the song said:
We push away what we can never understand We push away the unimaginable
At that moment a light came on inside of me, and I now know what domestic violence and domestic abuse truly is. When we think of domestic abuse we think of something that occurs behind the close doors within the four walls of someones’ house. But its bigger than that. Minorities in this country get up everyday and have to navigate through a country that has made it acceptable for domestic abuse and violence to happen in plain sight. Women are grabbed, groped, raped, belittled and sexually assaulted by men of power on a regular basis, with very little or no consequence. A United States Judge sentenced a rapist to only six months in jail, which he only served 60 days. The Judge was more concerned about the rapist future instead of the communities faith in the system that was designed to protect and serve for the greater good of all American people. Look at where we are.
Does no one see that these cases are not only destructive to the victim but to all the women of America? These slap on the wrist cases make women aware that a man can violate them and get away with it if he has money and power. Matter-of-fact sexually assaulting women in America may get him promoted or maybe even elected to the President of the United States.
Black and brown men have to walk on egg shells when dealing with white officers for the slightest move may get them shot or beat down. This is domestic violence. This is domestic abuse. How come they never show this in the domestic violence commercials? They are going through the unimaginable.
Can you imagine being shot down like a dog without cause, without merit, by a white police officer and all they have to say is “I was in fear of my life!” and that’s enough for the officer to go home and carry on with the work day. A man is dead, and he hasn’t caused any harm to anyone. He was unarmed and running away from the officer? And still he is dead. Laying in the street or in the grass for hours while the investigators take photos of a crime scene that will result in nothing more than some bad publicity.
How stressful it must be to know that if you are black or brown and you are convicted of a crime that your penalty will be significantly longer than a white person that commits the same crime. How scary would it be to know that your local sheriff wants you to stay in prison longer so that they can keep making money off your free labor?
“Steve Prator, the sheriff of Caddo Parish, which includes the city of Shreveport and some surrounding areas, described state prisoners as a “necessary evil to keep the doors open” at the jail his office runs.
Among those are the ones that you can work, that’s the ones that can pick up trash, the work release programs, Prator said.
In addition to the bad ones, and I call these bad, in addition to them, they’re releasing some good ones that we use every day to wash cars, to change oil in our cars, to cook in the kitchens, to do all that where we save money, he said.”
This is domestic terror. This is domestic abuse. This is domestic abuse. This is intentional!
There is suffering too terrible to name
You hold your child as tight as you can
And push away the unimaginable
The moments when you’re in so deep
It feels easier to just swim down – It’s Quiet Uptown
By: Shanae Hall
We see the hate, bigotry, mistreatment of minorities and how divided our country has become over the past year and a half. The hate that these white nationalist have is real, and it has been part of their DNA for many moons. With that being said, the reality is that we cannot beat white racism with black racism or any other form of hate. This is real life, not a game of blackjack. We can’t double down on stupid and pray for a winning hand. We have to be smarter than that. We have to start making moves that will directly impact our future and our community. So that leads me to my question, why are you twitting, posting, re-posting, and commenting on the chaos that is going on around us? Are you doing it just to provide feedback or are you doing it to make an impact in your community? If your reading this post then I’m guessing you’re not just providing feedback. I believe that you have a desire to be part of the solution.
So what’s the game plan? The bottom line is money talks, bullshit walks.
African Americans pump over a trillion dollars a year into the US economy. Where does all that money go? Straight out of our community, and directly into the hands of people that don’t give a shit about our well being. So what are some things that we can do to turn things around?
- Move a portion of your money to a black owned bank.
Most of us bank with big banks that don’t easily lend to minorities. There are 21 African American owned banks with assets totaling approximately $4.7 billion of African America’s $1.1 trillion in buying power. In 1994, there were 54 African American owned banks according to the FDIC. Now, there are 21. Wake up Black people. If you don’t put dollars in your own banks which are there to serve the unique needs of our community, who will? I just opened an account with ONE UNITED BANK online. It only took a couple of minutes and the staff was very professional.
2. Make a concerted effort to buy from black businesses.
I’m not saying drive 45 minutes to the black owned grocery store for a block of cheese. I’m simply suggesting that you make it a point to spend some of your money with a black business that supplies you with things that you were going to purchases anyway: Island Girl Natural Beauty products soap, shaving cream, body wash, etc., or visit a black owned car wash, nail shop, or clothing store. Because these stores aren’t normally on every corner you may have to put in a little extra effort that will go a long way.
3. Donate to local inner city non-profit organizations
There are a lot of national non-profit organizations that do great things for this country. However, you really don’t know how your money is being spent. When you donate to long standing local charities like Hosea Feed the Hungry and Homeless you get to see exactly where your dollars are going. You can see the fifty thousand men, women, and children eating the food that you helped purchase during the holidays. We have to be more targeted with how we spend our hard earned money.
The movements that we have to make in order to make our voices heard will not be an accident. This movement right here, is every bit of intentional.
It is no secret that people of all races smoke weed and/or consume edibles. Today Mayor Kasim Reed of Atlanta took a really big step towards legalizing marijuana, by passing a piece of legislation that decriminalizes jail penalties for people with less than an ounce of marijuana! This is why it’s soooo important that we put people in office that will pass laws, bills, and legislation that will help people stay out of jail instead of passing laws that’s put FOLKS in jail! #goodjob